


How I Met Your Father

by celticheart72



Series: The Story of Nevada and His Faith [1]
Category: Trouble in the Heights (2011)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-15
Updated: 2017-05-11
Packaged: 2018-10-19 01:57:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 23,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10629783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celticheart72/pseuds/celticheart72
Summary: Faith Lang never intended to fall in love. Especially not with Nevada Ramirez. But she did, and somehow he fell in love with her too. And by some miracle of fate they had their version of a happily ever after.





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> So I finally watched Trouble in the Heights, and as with all of Raul Esparza's characters I was drawn to Nevada. This is written kind of along the same theme as "How I Met Your Mother," essentially from the perspective of my OFC looking back on her story with Nevada and telling their children how they met and fell in love. This is just a snip I wrote immediately after finishing the movie. I'll be updating about once a week, sometimes more frequently.
> 
> Note that the rape/non con warning tag applies only to past events that will come up but will not be described in great detail.

Let me tell you a story, the story of how I met and fell in love with your father…

I grew up in Washington Heights, my mother was an addict. She used anything she could get her hands on and paid for it however she had to, stealing, begging, selling things she stole, stuff from the house, herself. From the time I turned 13 until I was 18 and left the house her favorite means of income was my body. When I didn’t bring her enough money to support her habit she would use me as a human ashtray, marking me so I’d remember and no one would want my filth she said. I got out as soon as I graduated high school and got a full scholarship to New York University and then their School of Medicine. My mother died of a drug overdose in my last year of medical school leaving me with my grandmothers old brownstone. It wasn’t much but it was paid for. After medical school I did my residency for Internal Medicine at New York Presbyterian, and continued my Infectious Disease fellowship there as well. I stayed with Presbyterian in their Internal Medicine and Infectious Disease department and made house calls to many of the poorest residents of Washington Heights.

My life was comfortable if not static. I spent my days working the clinic at the hospital. Some evenings I would visit those who needed my attention, treating illnesses, dressing wounds, making runs to the local pharmacy for meds they couldn’t afford. Others I would sit in my brownstone reading or watching movies. Weekends I would spend sitting, running, or doing yoga in the park, and making more visits to more and more people that needed me. I’d dedicated my life to helping the people of the community I grew up in, they didn’t ask to be poor, they didn’t ask to be set aside. If I could make a difference, even a small one, then my miserable life mattered no matter what my mother had said. I didn’t date, I had no use for men but one. And I had strict rules for that. Until your father. Your father broke all the rules.

One Saturday afternoon so many years ago I stepped out of my brownstone in a pair of knee length black running leggings, a black sports bra, and cerulean blue fitted crew neck top with black running shoes on my feet. My shoulder length red hair was pulled back in a neat pony tail and I had sunglasses sitting atop my forehead to cover my pale celery colored eyes once I was ready to run. As I was putting my iPhone earbuds in my ears I looked up to notice the infamous Nevada Ramirez getting out of the passenger seat of a black Escalade. My plan was to ignore him, he had no business with me. I knew who he was of course and I was sure he knew of me. After all there were very few doctors anymore who made house calls to poor people that couldn't pay.

He was smiling and holding his arms open as if greeting an old friend as I started stretching and avoiding eye contact with him. "Dr. Faith Lang?"

When my eyes flicked to his he grinned at my unintentional acknowledgement of my identity.

"My sister, she’s sick. I hear you make house calls?" He phrased it as a question.

"Sometimes," I hesitated.

He stepped toward me, "I need you to make a house call."

"Not today, sorry. Take her to the free clinic down the street," I told him and moved to get past him but he blocked my way.

"We don’t need a free clinic," he said with an edge to his voice and his hands on his hips.

"Then call an ambulance and have her taken to the ER," I shot back and tried once again unsuccessfully to get by him.

"She’s refused to leave the house since her son died, she won't go," his tone was harsh and turned demanding in an instant. "Look Doc, I'll get one of my guys to take you where I need you if that's what I gotta do. I'm asking. Nicely. This time. Not many people can say they got a request," he told me with a menacing look that only enhanced his rugged handsomeness.

I fumed at his audacity in even thinking he could use his less than savory reputation to intimidate me. "I know who you are Nevada Ramirez," I growled out. "And I'm not afraid of you. Or your guys.” I pointed between him and the guy in the Escalade, “There's nothing you could possibly do to me that hasn't been done. No one you can hold over me because I have no one. I've given up everything and everyone to stay here in Washington Heights to try to do some good for the people here that need it. If you don't like the fact that I don't cowtow to you then go ahead and kill me." My hands were balled into fists at my sides and I was livid. I helped the people in this community, if he’d approached me and actually asked rather than demanding I would have gone to his sister. He probably thought he was asking nicely, this was probably Nevada Ramirez’s version of nice.

His green eyes were narrowed and I thought I might have pushed my tirade too far but something unreadable flashed in his eyes while I spoke. "Who hurt you?" Was all he said in a low guttural tone.

My mouth dropped open, "That's your question? That's what you want to know?" He started to reach a hand out to me and I overreacted and jumped away from him back toward the Escalade, "DON'T touch me!"

His threw his hands up in front of him and his expression went hard, "Doc, help my sister, and you tell me who hurt you. Voy a los intestinos." _I'll gut them._

I shook my head, "Jesus, you don't get to tell me what to do. Understand mi amigo?" He made a dismissive gesture. I pushed past him with my hands shaking as I remounted the steps to my old brownstone, if his sister was that sick and her son just died she might be too distraught to deal with paramedics and the hustle and bustle of an ER. The ER might not be able to handle them. Shit, no matter how much I didn't want to get involved my need to help just got in the way. "If your sister is that sick I'll come help her. But..." I pointed to the sidewalk in front of his feet, "Your ass can wait out here while I get my medical bag."

He raised his eyebrows and crossed his arms in front of his chest with a smile playing about his lips.

I came back out of my house ten minutes later in a set of old dark blue scrubs with my t-shirt underneath and my medical bag over my shoulder.

He looked at me from head to toe, and waggled his hand, "The other was bueno, this aburrido." _Good, boring._

I rolled my eyes, "I really couldn’t care less what you think of my choice of attire." His lips twitched for just a second as I continued, "I only have one question." I was beginning to rethink the intelligence of speaking to let alone going anywhere with a known violent drug dealer.

He had his hand on the handle of the rear door of the Escalade and hesitated, motioning for me to ask my question.

"Do you intend to bring me back or kill me once you're done with me?" I asked him in a serious tone.

"You gotta a death wish Doc?" He quipped sarcastically while I just stared him down. He chuckled just slightly, "No. I'm not going to kill you. We’ll bring you back all intact and in one piece.”

“Fine, let’s go,” I snapped, I wasn’t sure I believed him, but I worried more about how sick his sister was that she needed a doctor that would make a house call.

He opened the door for me to get in, I put my medical bag on the floor behind the driver and got into the backseat behind the passenger seat. I was hoping I'd make it through the evening intact as he promised.


	2. Special Delivery

I was taken to a huge house with a yard outside of the city. Nevada got out when we pulled into the driveway and opened my door.

I narrowed my eyes at him as I picked up my medical bag and got out.

He was grinning like a Cheshire Cat, “What? You think I don’t have any manners just because of who I am? I’ve got a mother and 4 sisters.”

“Mmhmmm,” was all I said. “Just take me to your sister so I can see what I’m dealing with.”

Nevada shook his head and waved his hand forward for me to follow him. The house was opulent to say the least, the money these people probably spent on one silly trinket they had spread everywhere would buy the meds the poor people in my neighborhood needed for a week. I shook my head and stayed behind Nevada as he led me up the stairs to a bedroom at the back of the house. His sister was lying in bed and the lights were dimmed.

“Why are the lights so low?” I asked.

Nevada shrugged, “She said the light hurt her eyes?”

I looked sharply at him, “Headaches?”

He nodded and put his hands on his hips pushing his leather jacket back.

“Has she been acting odd or complaining of pain in her neck?” I asked him as I reached into my bag for my stethoscope and tympanic thermometer.

He nodded again as I put the thermometer in her ear and clicked the scan button, it read 102 degrees. I took a deep breath, “What’s her name?”

“Liliana, we call her Lili,” he watched me as I checked her skin for any rashes, pulling up her sleeves and pulling down the neckline of her t-shirt.

“Lili, can you hear me?” I asked her.

“Mmmm, who are you?” She asked when she opened her eyes just slightly.

“I’m Dr. Lang. How long have you felt ill?” I asked her.

“A few days,” she whispered and closed her eyes again.

I pulled a prescription pad out of my bag, wrote something on it, and ripped the page off and held it out to Nevada, “Can you have someone get this from the pharmacy right away?”

He took it from me and read it, “Rocephin? What’s that?”

“It’s an antibiotic,” I snapped my fingers. “Move it Ramirez. Now!”

His eyes narrowed and he looked angry but he turned around and walked out of the room to do as I instructed. When he came back a few minutes later his arms were crossed over his chest and he still looked angry.

“What the fuck is going on Doc?” He snapped at me.

I stood up from the bed where I had been laying cool washcloths over Lili’s forehead and neck, and waved him outside the door. “She has meningitis. I need the antibiotic to start treating her but she has to go to a hospital for a spinal tap for me to know exactly what kind of meningitis I’m treating. And I need her fever to break before I can do it. If anyone has had any contact with her saliva they should be treated as well,” I told him once we were in the hallway and the door to Lili’s room was closed.

“Are you going to treat her?” He was calm, Jesus, he went from calm to angry and back again in an instant.

I rolled my eyes, “You have to take her to Presbyterian but yes, I’ll be her doctor. And I’ll do the spinal tap.”

He acquiesced and after his ‘guy’ got back with the Rocephin and I got the first dose into Lili he picked her up out of the bed and carried her to the Escalade. I called the ER to let them know I had a meningitis direct admit so they could be prepared and the medical floor could have an isolation room ready for us. Nevada was not at all helpful, all he did was fuss and argue, I wondered how his sisters or mother dealt with him. Once I got Lili settled in her room he hounded me about when I would do the spinal tap? How long would she be in the hospital? What medicine was I giving her? Who was going to take care of her when I wasn’t there? He wouldn’t leave, and was the most annoying man I’d ever met in my life. I wound up staying at the hospital until Lili was discharged just so Nevada wouldn’t aggravate the staff.

Once Lili was better and out of the hospital Nevada took her home and I thought that was the last I’d see of him. I was finally able to go home and take a shower in real bathroom and sleep in my bed rather than a bunk in the physician’s call room. The morning after I got home there was a loud knocking at my door. I’d just woken up and was still in my pajama pants and tank top, so I pulled a cardigan on over my shoulders and held it closed at my neck as I descended the stairs and rubbed my eyes with the other hand.

“I’m coming!” I yelled, “Keep your pants on. Jesus.”

When I opened the door Nevada was standing there with a cigar in his mouth and his sunglasses over his eyes. He was holding a bag that smelled heavenly in one hand. I rolled my eyes, and groaned.

He dropped his chin to his chest so he could look at me over the rim of his sunglasses, “Ay Mami.” I looked down and realized my nipples were hard and their outline was visible through my tank top.

Yanking my cardigan over my breasts I banged my forehead on the door, “I thought you were done with me.”

His lips curled into a smile, “Now what would make you say that?”

“You’re not coming in, so just tell me what you want. Is someone else sick?” I had vaccinated his entire family, except for the younger kids that had already been vaccinated, and treated the ones most at risk with prophylactic antibiotics.

He held the bag out to me, “Lili asked me to bring this to you. Some kind of breakfast thing she loves.”

I accepted the bag from him, “You didn’t lace it with anything did you?”

His lips curled into his teeth and he looked angry while he said quietly, “Mami, I promise, I won’t do anything to hurt you.”

I gave him a skeptical look but accepted the bag.

He turned on his heel and walked back to the Escalade, when he got in he rolled the window down and gave me a slight wave of his right hand.

I went back into my kitchen and pulled the pastries, cheese and raspberry danishes, out of the bag and put them on a plate. They smelled heavenly and didn’t smell anything else so I brewed a cup of peppermint tea and carried the plate and my tea cup to my living room where I sat on the couch enjoying Nevada Ramirez’s delivery.


	3. I Have Eyes Everywhere

After your Aunt Lili was home and back on her feet it seemed I couldn't get rid of your father. I honestly thought the 'thank you' pastries would be the last I'd ever see of Nevada Ramirez. But he had invaded my world, taking up residence like a tick, and I didn't even realize it at first. After a while it began to feel normal, and I started to miss him if it was more than a few days between his suprise visits. But I'm getting ahead of myself...

It was several weeks before I'd actually see Nevada again, and of course he was angry when I did see him. I'd had to move patients around while I was caring for his sister. So because of that I had a lot of patients rescheduled in the clinic for the weeks after she was discharged. And then there were the patients I made house calls to that I hadn't been able to get to.

Apparently somehow Nevada had discovered I'd been assaulted by one of my clinic patients when I gave him a diagnosis he didn't want to hear. He went berserk, putting his hands around my throat, and choking me until security pried him off. They got him off me before I passed out but I still had bruises around my neck. Police were called, and assault charges were pressed against him per clinic policy. I'd been wearing a gauzy scarf around my neck to cover the bruises while I was seeing patients so they wouldn't feel inclined to ask. With it being early fall no one questioned my need for the scarf.

I was leaving an apartment building where three of my poorer elderly patients lived with my medical bag over my shoulder and my nose in my tablet checking to see if I had anyone else to see that day. Fortunately, I was done for the day and I could walk home and make dinner, maybe soak in the tub for a while. As I turned in the direction I needed to walk I heard someone drumming their fingers on one of the vehicles parked on the street and glanced up. When I did I rolled my eyes. There was Nevada, fingers drumming on the hood of the Escalade, eyes narrowed at me, and hip leaning back on the bumper.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked, the irritation evident in my voice. Looking around I couldn't even figure out how he even knew where I was.

"I have eyes..." He raised a finger and pointed in the air around us, "Everywhere. I need to know where you are, all I have to do is put the word out."

I shoved my tablet in my medical bag and walked up to him, shoving my finger in his chest, "You don't need to know where I am. I don't work for you."

He shrugged and the Cheshire Cat grin was back, "No...You don't. Doesn't mean I don't need to know what this is for." He reached out quicker than I expected and snatched the scarf from around my neck. His eyes turned deadly again, "What. The. Fuck. Happened?"

I just stood there in shock staring at him, open mouthed, without speaking for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, when my shock had eased I snapped my mouth shut and yanked my scarf from his fingers before I turned on my heels and walked away from him.

I could hear him tsking behind me as I walked. The man had some nerve. First in acting like it was any of his business. Second in the implication I couldn't take care of myself. And third in acting like he even had a reason to care.

"Mami, running away from me isn't going to do you any good. I know where you live," he told me with a laugh.

I held my middle finger up and faced it towards him.

"So unladylike," I heard him call behind me, then a sniff, and the sound of a car door open and close. Then the telltale sound of tires on pavement.

It took seconds for the Escalade to catch up to me, and Nevada watched me walk through his open window, "Mami, if you just tell me why the fuck your neck has bruises that look like someone's hand I'd leave you alone."

I narrowed my eyes and glanced at him, "I highly doubt that Nevada."

His eyebrow raised and he looked over to his driver, "Progress, Mami called me Nevada." Chuckling he turned back to look at me, "I'll leave you alone when I feel like it. Now answer my question."

I sped up my pace and jogged in front of the Escalade. Nevada's eyes went wide and he put a hand out to his driver to stop the Escalade as I slammed both palms down on the hood and Nevada's driver slammed on his brakes. When the SUV stopped it was inches from my knees. With my hands still on the hood I looked right at Nevada whose expression was livid. "Leave. Me. ALONE!"

He got out of the Escalade cursing and saying some things in Spanish that I couldn't understand except for 'little fool.' Slamming his door shut he walked around to me, bent at the knees, and picked me up over his shoulder. I started screaming and beating my fists on his back as he walked to the rear passenger door he opened it, bent again and tossed me into the vehicle, and got in beside me before closing the door and telling his driver to lock the doors and drive. I heard the locks click into place and honestly thoughht I'd gone way too far.

Nevada was looking out of the window next to him with his chin in his hand by the window and the fingers of his other hand tapping his thigh. "Don't ever do something like that again," he told me quietly without looking at me.

I just rolled my eyes and shook my head before sitting back in the seat and crossing my arms over my chest. There were tears in my eyes, and I was trying really hard to blink them away as I looked out of the window next to me, "Like it matters. Jesus Nevada."

I felt warm fingers on my chin pulling my face to look at him. His green eyes were hard, but softened when he noticed the tears that had escaped, "It does Mami."

I just huffed at him, "Why did you drag me in here anyway?" I waved my hand at him, "Never mind, I guess you wouldn't want any witnesses to murder now would you?"

He yanked his hand away from my chin like I'd burned him, "What is with this death wish of yours Mami?"

I laughed and cried at the same time, I knew I must sound hysterical, "I don't have a death wish Nevada. I just know your reputation. You've killed men for less than what I just did in plain view of any one who cared to see." Despite my bravado at our first meeting I really didn’t want to die, and I was afraid of him. Not for the reasons one would expect though, somehow he got to me, in ways I hadn’t expected. My lip was quivering as I cried and wiped the tears from my cheeks.

It was Nevada's turn to roll his eyes, "That's business." Then he pointed at me and his expression softened considerably, "You're not." Pulling his lips between his teeth he reached in his pocket and pulled a tissue out and handed it to me.

I accepted it and gave him a bewildered look.

He just shrugged, “I told you, I have four sisters and a mother, I’ve also got two little nieces.” His expression turned angry again, “Now tell me about that.”

At that point I knew I wasn't winning the argument with him and took a deep breath to calm myself. I wiped my eyes with the tissue Nevada had given me and looked at him, "One of my patients got upset at his diagnosis, and choked me. He's been charged with assault and battery as per clinic policy."

His eyes narrowed and his expression turned deadly again, "Is that so? We'll just see about that." I started to say something but the Escalade came to a stop and Nevada leaned over me to open the door. "You're home Mami. Have a good night."

I looked at him like a deer in headlights. He made a shooing motion and I got out of the Escalade with him following behind me. He closed the door and then got into the front passenger seat giving me a small wave as they drove away. It took me a few seconds of staring after them open mouthed before I turned and let myself into my brownstone.


	4. A Little Bonding

For some reason your father had laid a claim on me, why I had no idea, but it was becoming more and more obvious that he had. Wherever I went there was someone watching me. I didn’t realize it at first, but one day in the clinic it became all too evident.

Our clinic was part of the hospital so the waiting area was open to other parts of the hospital and someone could legitimately sit out there all day and the staff wouldn’t realize it if the person just moved around in the general area. While I was an Internal Medicine physician and could treat the diseases commonly associated with aging, which I did for those patients I made house calls to, my specialty was Infectious Disease. Within the hospital, I treated some of the sickest patient’s that came to us. Hepatitis and HIV patients, meningitis of course, MRSA, pneumonia, bone and joint infections, among others. Considering the nature of my specialty I got a lot of IV drug users with hepatitis and HIV that quite often got angry at their diagnosis and Security wasn’t always there to stop the outbursts. That was what happened with the patient your father confronted me about who choked me.

I was working in the clinic one day when I had to tell a family that their teenage son had tested positive for HIV, I understood the ramifications of the diagnosis and what it meant for his future. When they’d brought him in he had symptoms of gonorrhea and we’d done the standard STI and STD tests which included HIV. The boy was seventeen so I hadn’t expected him to test positive for anything but the gonorrhea but unfortunately, he had made some poor choices and had sex with a prostitute without a condom. When I brought him into the exam room with his mother and father and told them the diagnosis he looked shocked, his mother cried, and his father started screaming. He left the exam room calling me a quack and the boy’s mother looked to me for guidance. I gave them the lab results, explained that HIV was no longer a death sentence and reviewed the lifestyle changes he would need to make, and of course gave him the antiretroviral and nausea medicine prescriptions he would need to manage his disease and stay healthy.

When I walked them to check out, which happened to be in the open area, to make their month follow up appointment the boy’s father was there and pacing. I excused myself from them to talk to him and reassure him that his son could live a full and healthy life by making certain lifestyle changes and staying on his meds.

He looked at me with contempt in his eyes, “You’re a quack, you don’t know what you’re talking about! I want a real doctor to see my son.”

I held my hands up motioning for him to calm down, “Mr. Ramsey, please calm down. Your son…”

The man put his finger in my face, “No! No! This is your fault! This…” Suddenly he put hands up like someone was threatening him and backed away.

Watching him with a puzzled expression on my face I turned around to where he was looking where I noticed one of the bodyguards Nevada often had with him standing about 20 feet away with his arms crossed over his chest watching us. I took a deep breath, tilted my head back and closed my eyes with my hands on my hips. Shaking my head I turned back to Mr. Ramsey who was holding the lab results I had given his wife and reading them. I walked over to him and he waved his hands at me.

“I’m sorry Dr. Lang, I don’t want any trouble,” he told me, fear laced in his tone.

I shook my head and placed my hand on his forearm to reassure him, “We don’t have any trouble Mr. Ramsey. I know this is a shock to your entire family. I can refer you to a family counselor if you need it and I’m here for any questions you have.”

He nodded and I saw the tears in his eyes then, the man was just scared for his son, and I was certain also angry at his poor choices. Once my patient and his parents left I turned back to find Nevada’s man who had seemed to disappear. It took me a little bit of looking but I found him sitting in one of the waiting areas within earshot of my clinic but out of site. When I caught his eyes, I crooked my finger at him to follow me and led him to an empty exam room.

“Why are you here? Do you have an appointment with one of the clinics?” I asked him.

He just looked at me with his arms crossed over his chest and shook his head.

I sighed and rubbed my fingers in my eyes cursing Nevada in my head. Slashing hand through the air in front of him I looked at him again. He was shifting his weight from foot to foot and watching me. “This is not okay. I assume Nevada sent you?” When he was silent I took that for an affirmative answer. “Okay, you have to leave. If you don’t leave willingly I’ll have security escort you out. I don’t have anything against you but you cannot be here intimidating my patients. Some of them I struggle to get to come back for proper care, if they see you they may never come back. Me entiendes?”

“Nevada ain’t gonna like it,” was all he said.

“I don’t care,” I told him.

He nodded and shrugged his shoulders but I didn’t see him the rest of my shift.

When I left work that evening Nevada’s black Escalade was waiting in front of the hospital. The passenger window rolled down and Nevada looked at me as he moved his sunglasses to the tip of his nose.

“Mami, get in,” he said to me with an edge to his tone.

Sighing and rolling my eyes I opted not to argue since I knew he’d just follow me. I opened the rear passenger door and got in behind him.

“What’s up Nevada?” I asked and leaned my head against the headrest behind me and closing my eyes.

“Why did you chase Ramon out of the hospital today?” I heard his voice in front of me.

“You can’t just have your thugs sit in the waiting room intimidating my patient’s or their families. I’m an Infectious Disease doctor, I get patients at some of the worst moments of their lives when they’re first diagnosed. If your guys are in here scaring them they’ll never come back, they won’t get the treatment they need, and it just adds more people I’ll feel the need to make house calls to. So that’s less time you can spend aggravating me,” I told him seriously, hoping to appeal to his reasonable side if he had one. “Sometimes people get upset, it’s a risk of my job, and I can’t take it personally. Neither can you.” I opened my eyes then to find he was turned in his seat looking back at me with his sunglasses on his forehead, “Why exactly have you taken such an interest in me?”

He chuckled and shrugged, “You saved my sisters life.”

I frowned at him, “Give me a fucking break Nevada.”

“That makes you part of the family. Anything happens to you Lili will kill me,” he said simply and turned around dropping his sunglasses back over his eyes. “Anything happens to you I’ll kill the person that hurts you.”

I groaned, how did I get myself into this? All I wanted was to live my quiet life and be left alone. “Look, if I can’t get rid of you then make yourselves less conspicuous, but stay out of my clinic.”

“Fine Mami. Fine,” he said to me. “You hungry?”

I leaned my head on the window next to me and closed my eyes again. “Starved, I never had time for lunch,” I mumbled.

Nevada tsked at me, “You should take better care of yourself Mami.”

I shook my head against the window. I’d never had a reason to, I did what I had to in order to maintain my good health so I could make a difference in other people’s lives. My own, well, it didn’t matter as much to me.

“You’re going to have dinner with me,” Nevada told me.

I sat up then, “Absolutely not. You’ve wormed your way into my life but you are not dragging me into your business. I don’t want to have anything to do with your dirty money.”

He took a long deep breath, “Despite what you may believe Mami, not all of my business or money is dirty as you say. I’m not taking you where I do business, you’re too good for those places. I just want to buy you a slice of pizza, make sure you eat, then you can go home.”

I huffed, “Fine, but I’ll pay for myself.”

I could see him shaking his head in the front seat, “Whatever makes you feel better Mami.”

His driver stopped at a small pizza place in my neighborhood that I frequented when I was craving a slice. Nevada opened the Escalade door for me and walked into the restaurant at my side. Their slices were huge so I ordered one slice of pepperoni and a coke, Nevada ordered the same for himself, and we each paid for our own food. When we were handed our plates and drinks we sat in a small booth near the back so that we had some privacy. It wasn’t people seeing me with him that I was worried about, I treated drug dealers and prostitutes, so dealing with criminals was a norm for me. I wasn’t sure what Nevada’s real motivation was for being there with me though.

He took a bite of his pizza and looked at me with a pleased expression, “Not bad Mami.”

I laughed, a genuine laugh that time, “It’s a weakness of mine. I love their pizza and their carrot cake. They make it fresh every day and it’s divine.”

His green eyes were watching me as I spoke and he smiled when I laughed, “I’ll have to remember that, my mother loves carrot cake.”

I searched his expression, trying to gain some perspective on him, “Why are you so concerned about me?”

His just shrugged, “I told you already.”

I looked at him, I knew there was something else going on, but I didn’t think he was going to tell me what it was. Nodding my head I took another bite of my pizza then shook my head at him, “Fine, you aren’t going to answer that one. Tell me something about yourself no one else knows.”

His laugh was mirthful then as he wiped his mouth with a napkin and looked at me, “Something no one else knows?”

“Yes, something you wouldn’t tell anyone else. Give me a reason to start trusting you. Trust me with something,” I told him seriously.

Nevada’s green eyes held my own and reflected an emotion I just couldn’t read on him, “I want to be a father but I don’t want my children in this life.”

My heart stuttered in my chest at his words and the sincerity I saw reflected in his eyes, the unreadable emotion was still there but stronger. “Wow,” was all I could say.

“Your turn Mami. Quid pro quo,” he said to me, his use of those words shocked me, he was continually surprising me. His eyebrows rose at my shocked looked and he wore a highly-amused smile, “What? You don’t think I can use big intelligent words? I can talk like the thug drug dealer you think I am when I do business if I need to, but that doesn’t mean I’m not a smart man.”

I waved my hand toward him, “I never said you weren’t.” My eyes dropped to my empty plate as I thought about what to share with him, quietly I told him, “I feel empty, like no one would notice if I suddenly disappeared.”

His hand reached out to mine and covered it, “I’d notice Mami.”

My eyes lifted to his and smiled tightly, I wasn’t really sure I believed in his sincerity. Not yet anyway.


	5. Grief and Comfort

You probably think that your father and I were locked in some kind of constant power struggle, with his need to control and mine to be independant. Quite often that was true, but after what your father likes to refer to as our first date where he admitted to wanting children, I started to open up to him. Granted it was very tiny bits at a time, but there was something there that I couldn't explain. I'd never felt any attachment to the men I'd taken as lovers, they were simply a means to an end when I felt the need for a physical connection, and there were never any emotional connections. I'd felt broken, unworthy, and unable to allow myself to be vulnerable enough to connect to another person on that kind of intimate emotional level. Until your father.

One day in mid-November, about six weeks after that first date, I was making house calls to some of my sicker elderly patients when I discovered one, Mrs. Sanchez, had passed away. Her son had been in her apartment when I arrived for my weekly check in and he told me she'd passed away in her sleep the night before. She had been one of my favorite patients. When I first started seeing her she had a laundry list of medical problems, including hepatitis, all of which she just couldn't afford to treat. I never charged for my visits, and I'd pick up her medications every month and pay the co-pays for what Medicare didn't cover. We'd sit in her kitchen with glasses of too sweet tea and I'd read to her, or she would tell me stories about when she was young. Realistically she lived longer than I expected her to, she was 73, and I'd been treating her since I'd completed my internal medicine residency, over four years by then. It still devastated me that I couldn't do more, somehow fix what was making her so sick.

After leaving her son with my cell phone number with a request he let me know when her funeral would be I made my way to the sidewalk and I couldn't hold my tears back any longer. I didn't have any more patients to see that day, I always made Mrs. Sanchez my last visit because I'd usually spend at least two hours with her. So I cried on the walk home, and really didn't care who saw me blubbering along the way. I got several strange looks from people walking by, and most of the men avoided me like I had the plague.

By the time I finally got to my brownstone I was hiccuping and crying, my hands were shaking, and it took me five minutes to fish my keys from my purse. After trying three times without success to unlock my door I just leaned my head against it and cried some more. When I felt a warm hand take the keys from me I looked up to see Nevada's green eyes looking at me with concern as he unlocked my door and pushed it open. He hesitated at the threshold which just made me cry even more and I waved him inside, right at that moment I didn't care that I didn't completely trust him yet. I was pretty sure if he really wanted to get into my house he could whether I let him in or not, and I was also pretty sure he wasn't going to hurt me.

He stepped inside and I saw him make a hand motion to his driver in the Escalade before he closed the door and followed behind me. I was still blubbering and shedding my coat and shoes onto the floor as I walked to the couch and dropped onto it, face down in a pillow and continued to cry on it. While I couldn't see him I could sense Nevada hovering before he reached under me, lifting me up, and sitting down on the couch putting the pillow on his lap for me to lay on. I turned my face into the pillow and pushed myself up the couch so I had a little physical connection to his body, and he indulged me by resting his hand on the side of my neck and running his thumb on my jawline. It was the first time in my adult life that I’d sought any kind of comfort from another human being.

"Want to tell me what has you so upset that two of my guys called me to say you had gone loco?" He asked calmly, in an even tone. I expected irritation or anger, not calm and comfort.

Turning my face out of the pillow so I could talk I tried to take a deep breath and hiccuped, which once again made me cry even more. I could hear him sigh, and he reached his hand down to grasp my hand that I'd curled under my chin.

"Is this because Mrs. Sanchez died last night?" His thumb was rubbing circles on the back of my hand as his fingers curled into my palm.

I turned my head more to look up at him, "How do you..."

He gave me that familiar Nevada smile and spun his finger in the air to remind me he had eyes everywhere.

Rolling my eyes, I laid my head back down and closed my eyes. My hiccups were slowing down and I had the beginnings of a headache. Part of that was hunger I knew, it was nearly 6p.m. and I hadn't eaten since breakfast since I'd planned on making dinner after seeing Mrs. Sanchez. And I was trying really hard not to freak out, somehow Nevada being there with me when I was upset and vulnerable felt right. Despite how I felt it just didn't make sense to me, why was I feeling close to him, a violent drug dealer, when I'd felt absolutely nothing for other perfectly nice guys I'd had sex with. There was a strange intimacy with him brewing under the surface that scared the crap out of me, but I wasn't sure yet that I wanted to push it completely away.

While I lay there thinking, with Nevada's hand now running up and down my arm and occasionally running through my hair, someone knocked on my door. I sat up and looked behind me, no one ever knocked on my door. Except Nevada these days. Looking back at the man in question who was standing up and since he seemed unconcerned I suspected it was his driver letting him know they had somewhere else to be. That caused a wave of disappointment to well up inside of me.

I could hear Nevada speaking in a low tone to someone and when the door closed again he walked back into the living room with a pizza box and two small white styrofoam containers sitting on top. He sat the pizza on the coffee table in front of me, and picked up the other containers before he looked at my puzzled expression.

"I figure knowing you Mami, you haven't eaten, and probably won't once I leave. So, do you want to eat out of the box or should I rummage in your kitchen for plates?" He asked giving me an amused look.

I rolled my eyes at him, “Plates please Nevada.”

He turned to the kitchen and I heard him open and close the refrigerator and then the sound of multiple cabinet doors being opened and closed before I heard the sound of plates clinking together. When he came back he was carrying two plates and two of the cans of soda I kept in the fridge. Nevada handed me a soda and sat back down on the couch next to me with his thigh touching mine. Opening the pizza box he pulled a slice out setting it on one of the plates and handed it to me before he added a slice to his own plate.

I must have looked totally dumbfounded because he just gave me that Cheshire Cat grin of his and started eating his slice of pizza. “Eat Mami, before it gets cold.”

“Only if you tell me why you care,” I told him, stuffing the a third of the slice in my mouth and chewing.

His eyebrow winged up and he shifted in his seat slightly, "I've told you before."

“No…you’ve told me what you want people to think, not the truth,” I said watching his face closely for any tells.

He narrowed his eyes at me, started to open his mouth to say something then changed his mind and stuffed his pizza slice partly in his mouth while he looked straight ahead. I kept eating while I waited for him to finish and answer my question. Finally, he wiped his hands off together and stood up to go back to the kitchen. I heard the fridge open and close and him shuffling in drawers as I finished my pizza and set the plate on the coffee table. When he came back out into the living room he had the two styrofoam containers in his hands along with two forks.

“Carrot cake Mami, I believe it’s your favorite?” He asked holding one of the containers and a fork out to me.

I swallowed hard, suddenly realizing why Nevada cared, and recognizing that we were feeling the same things. He looked at me like I was crazy and shook the container at me, I took it along with the fork and opened it up. Closing my eyes I put my nose close to the cake inside and inhaled the decadent aroma of the fresh carrot cake. “Better than sex,” I mumbled.

Nevada choked and started coughing, “Jesus Mami what kind of sex have you been having?”

“Shit, I can’t believe I said that out loud,” I started laughing with a forkful of the carrot cake just inside my mouth.

He shook his head and laughed with me. We finished the cake and he cleaned up our trash and took the dishes into the kitchen. When he came back out he had his cell phone out and was looking at it.

“I’m sorry Mami, I have to go take care of some things. Are you better?” His eyes lifted from his phone to meet mine.

“Yes Nevada,” I stood up from the couch and walked with him to the front door.

“Where’s your phone?” He asked, crossing his arms over his chest when we got there.

“My bag,” I told him. He motioned me to get it, and once I got it out of my bag he held his hand out for it. I handed it over to him and watched as he went into my contacts and started typing something.

“Now you have my number,” he clicked another button and his phone beeped. He looked up at me with his Cheshire Cat grin back in place, “And I have yours.”

All I could do was snicker at him and shake my head.

He opened the door and walked out onto the stoop before turning back to me, “Lock this behind me Mami.”

And with that instruction he went to the Escalade and got in. His window rolled down and he gave me the little wave I’d grown to expect when they drove off into the night. I stepped back into my foyer and locked the door as he’d asked.

Later that night, as I lay awake in my bed staring into space I heard my phone beep. I picked it up and looked at the incoming text message from ‘Papi.’

_Go to sleep Mami. You can only give away so much of yourself to everyone else before you break._


	6. Confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Primarily smut chapter.

Once your father had my cell phone number I really couldn’t get rid of him. If he texted me and I didn’t respond within 15 minutes I got another text. And if I didn’t respond to the second text right away, well, he was just impossible. I discovered one day, about a month after he first acquired my number, just how easily he could get into my house. All because I had the audacity to take a shower when he wanted to reach me.

I had a long day in the clinic and had been thrown up on an hour before leaving for the day so when I got home all I wanted was a shower. The water was too hot, as it almost always was when I showered at home. If I showered at the hospital I was limited to more reasonable water temperatures. Even though it had been 18 years I still felt dirty, and no amount of hot water or number of showers ever washed that away. My skin was red, but the water wasn’t hot enough to scald me and when I was scrubbing my skin for the second time the shower curtain suddenly whipped aside and Nevada was standing there with a cigar in his mouth. He looked furious and surprisingly his eyes were focused on my face, not anywhere else.

“Nevada!!! What the fuck!!” I yanked the shower curtain out of his hand and wrapped it around myself to cover as much of my nakedness as I could.

“You haven’t answered your phone for the last 45 minutes Mami,” he growled, looking at my skin. “Why the fuck is your skin so red?”

I rolled my eyes, “Nevada I’m not going to have any kind of conversation with you while I’m standing in my shower without any FUCKING CLOTHES ON!”

He was rolling his cigar from one side of his mouth to the other. “Fine, but I’m turning the hot water down.” Looking at the faucet he turned the dial from hot to 1/3 of the way from cold and left the bathroom.

I sighed and let go of the shower curtain so I could rinse the rest of the soap from my body. The water was lukewarm at best and my skin was less red. When I was dry I yanked on a pair of panties, a pair of light grey sweatpants, and a loose black t-shirt then brushed my hair back and put it in a ponytail. I’d hoped maybe Nevada would have left but I knew that was wishful thinking. As soon as I made it to the landing on the first floor of my brownstone I could see he was sitting on my couch his arms thrown wide over the back of it watching _Alien_ on TV.

I sat on the couch next to him, I’d been pissed when he barged in on me in the shower, but for some reason I just couldn’t seem to stay mad at him. And for some reason, him being that close to me while I was completely naked and vulnerable had made me crave a physical connection again. It had been close to six months since I’d had sex with a man, normally I’d start to feel the need for a real man rather than my small collection of dildos or vibrators about once a year. But ever since meeting Nevada he had me feeling things, and wanting things I’d never wanted with a man. Things that scared the crap out of me.

Taking a deep breath I looked at him, and he turned angry narrowed green eyes on me.

“Nevada, you can’t expect that I’ll always be able to respond to you instantly. I can’t answer a text when I’m seeing a patient. Or if I’m in the shower. And you can’t just barge in the shower on me like that,” I told him in a calm tone.

(Kids you may want to ignore most of this part of our story, I was feeling especially needy that day, and hornier than a rutting bull)

I was looking at his lips and wondering what he could do with his mouth. That in and of itself startled me. I’d never let any man use his mouth on me, anywhere, it was too intimate. I knew what it felt like to be kissed of course, the johns that my mother pimped me out to had done all sorts of things to me, but none of that was because I desired it. For some reason that day Nevada had awakened something in me just by yanking a shower curtain aside.

He was scowling and looked like he wanted to yell, but when he spoke his voice was a low snarl, “Faith, why were you in water so hot your skin was red?”

He’d never called me Faith before, when we first met it was Doc, but for months all he had called me was Mami. Even the sound of my name on his tongue was turning me on. Jesus what the hell was wrong with me?

Shaking my head I met his gaze, “There’s no way I could get you to understand Nevada. But I guess, to make a long story short I feel dirty, I have since I was a teen thanks to my mother. The hot showers are the only way I feel even a fraction clean. But even they don’t really help.”

“I know about your mother, I know what she used you for,” he told me simply.

I felt like I’d been hit by a brick wall. “So, what’s the point then? As far as you’re concerned I’m just another woman to be bought and sold,” I ground out. I was suddenly angry, and really disappointed that I’d been wrong that he felt anything for me. I started to stand up.

His hand snaked out so fast I didn’t have time to get away from him, “Sit. Down. Mami.”

I glared at him and he moved his hand from my forearm where he grabbed me to take my hand and tugged me down next to him.

“That is not what I think of you. I don’t want to use you. I don’t want to sell you. I don’t want anyone else to have you. I want you for myself,” he admitted.

“What? Why?” I asked stupidly.

He looked at me like I’d lost my mind, “Mami, didn’t you go to medical school?”

That made me chuckle, I guess they were stupid questions.

“Do you really think I’d spend the time on you that I have if I just wanted to use or sell you? That I’d worry so much about if you’re okay if that’s all I wanted?” He asked and shook his head. “I don’t do that, with any woman except you.”

It dawned on me then that I actually meant something to him, and I realized he meant something to me. And before I knew what I was doing I was straddling his lap and kissing him. Hard and needy. At first he didn’t even touch me, but then his hands gripped my hips and he started grinding his rock hard length up into me. I could feel my panties soaking through and a quivering in my stomach that was unfamiliar. I wanted him, and I really, really wanted to feel flesh on flesh, not latex on flesh. I’d never done this before but I pulled away from him and looked down into his eyes.

“Do I have anything to worry about Nevada?” I asked huskily, my breath coming in quick gasps, I was so aroused I could hear my blood whooshing behind my ears.

He grinned that Cheshire Cat grin I’d grown to love, “No. I’m clean. I’ve never been with a woman without a condom, and I haven’t been with a woman since I met you.”

“Oh god,” my heart was hammering in my chest as I stood up and quickly pushed my sweatpants and panties down my hips and kicked them off onto the floor. I was shaking all over, I was terrified, but for once I wasn’t letting that get in the way of what I wanted.

Nevada was looking at the small thatch of hair that pointed to my sex which was absolutely soaking wet in anticipation of him. He reached out and his thumb lightly rubbed over the swollen nub of my clit and I moaned. That was all it seemed to take for him to make a decision and he pushed me down to sit on the coffee table behind me pushing my legs open and dropping to his knees in front of me. He looked at my face and hesitated, until I whimpered “Please.” Then his mouth was on me sucking in my clit and running his tongue over that swollen nub lightly before separating my lips there with his thumb and padding the swollen flesh. I threw my head back and leaned on my elbows, my thighs started to quiver and I lifted my legs over his shoulders. His tongue was working the swollen flesh of my lips and running lightly over my clit. My legs felt like melted rubber but when he slid one long finger inside of me I came undone, arching my back up off the coffee table and moaning his name long and loud. I had never in my entire life had an orgasm that felt so intense or so good. My heels were digging into his back and my thighs were shaking so hard I wasn’t sure how much I could take. His hands left me temporarily and I heard his zipper and felt him shift a little before he pulled me down onto his hard, hot length. I was so wet from his tongue and my orgasm that he slid inside of me easily. I felt fuller than I ever had, and realized he was larger than I had anticipated. Nevada’s hands grabbed my ass cheeks and started to manipulate my hips to match his quick thrusts. I reached my arms around his neck and realized he was still wearing his shirt and jacket. When his lips met mine in a heated kiss I could taste myself on him and it made me moan into his mouth. I could feel him smiling against my lips and he said some things in Spanish I couldn’t quite catch. His thrusts came quicker and harder and I could feel myself clenching down hard around him. “That’s it Mami, cum for me again,” he groaned against my neck. The second orgasm came faster than the first and I could feel my rhythm faltering as I squinted my eyes shut and searched for his lips. He indulged my need and kissed me, moving his hands to the back of my neck with his thumbs on my cheeks. He came with me and I rode him hard until he was completely spent, moaning his name as he groaned mine.

We stayed like that for a time, holding each other, still connected, breathing each other’s air. I leaned my cheek onto his shoulder as I allowed my breathing to slow down and said the words I never thought I’d say to any man.

“I’m in love with you Nevada.”


	7. Christmas Surprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: More smut.

After my confession to your father I thought it would have scared him away. Surprisingly it didn’t. While he didn’t tell me he loved me then, it came a few weeks later at Christmastime. Though not in a face to face admission of love or post coital confession such as mine. And before you think that I was a complete hypocrite when it came to safe sex I simply didn’t think I could get pregnant. I’d been told after getting away from my mother that there was too much scarring on my ovaries. You were a complete surprise and one of the happiest we’ve ever had. But once again I’m getting ahead of myself.

The intimacy I’d shared with Nevada had really scared me. In the past when I’d needed a man for sex I had several rules. One, no kissing, anywhere, and that meant no oral sex for me. Two, I kept my shirt on and there was no touching my breasts. Three, I always had to be on top and in control. Four, he always had to wear a condom. And finally, once we were done, he had to leave. I’d already broken most of those rules with him and it had felt damn good. I was pretty sure I’d be breaking them again.

It was Christmas Eve at 5p.m. and I’d decided before it got dark that I was going to take a run. I dressed in a pair of black leggings, a long sleeved v necked dark grey thermal shirt, a light blue fleece jacket, my black running shoes, and my hair was back in a pony-tail. When I got to the sidewalk as I was putting my iPhone earbuds in my ears I saw the black Escalade Nevada usually rode around in sitting across the street. Once I started running I knew whoever was driving would follow me which is exactly what happened. I’d stopped worrying about changing my routine, trying to lose whoever happened to be following or watching me, or even arguing with Nevada about it. It never did me any good and he would just give me that Cheshire Cat smile of his or laugh and tell me not to worry so much.

After running my usual route, which was about a mile and a half away from the brownstone so three miles total, it started to snow when I was just over half a mile from home. The snow was light, just barely a dusting, but by the time I turned the final corner to head home I was covered in flakes and my nose was cold. When I reached the steps to my brownstone there was a brightly wrapped box on the landing with a vase holding a few red roses and some baby’s breath covered in a light dusting of snow. Before I walked up my steps I walked over to the Escalade that was once again parked across the street, the window rolled down and Ramon was sitting there.

“Was Nevada here?” I asked pointing over to my steps.

He shook his head, “Naw, he’s at his mother’s house. Told me to put that on your steps tonight.”

I looked at him for a second before I spoke again, “Do you have family you should be with right now?”

Ramon just smiled, “Don’t worry Doc, I’ll get to be with them tomorrow.”

Nodding, I went back to my steps, picked up the box and roses, unlocked my door, and headed back inside my house. I put the roses and box on my coffee table and put my jacket away. Walking back to the coffee table I stared down at the box for what seemed like an eternity before I turned around and went upstairs to take a shower and change. I’d promised Nevada that I’d keep the water temperature reasonable from now on and I kept my promise. Once I was clean I pulled on panties, a pair of bright pink fleece pants, and a mint green long sleeved t-shirt. I went back downstairs and made myself a cup of peppermint tea and a chicken salad sandwich. Carrying it back out to the living room I turned the TV on to one of the _Star Trek_ movies and sat on the couch to eat my dinner. Finally, I looked at the box and pulled it into my lap and I realized there was a card taped to the bottom. I pulled the card off and opened it, it was very simple and just said ‘Merry Christmas’ on the front. When I opened it there was a handwritten note on the inside.

_Faith, A beautiful woman like you should have beautiful things. And don’t worry, I bought it with money from my legitimate business. The receipt and proof are in the envelope in the box. Te amo, Nevada_

I opened the box and inside was a smaller box with a platinum necklace inside. It was a heart of diamonds sitting on top of and just slightly above a second solid platinum heart with a square sapphire tilted on one of its points sitting above the hearts. As promised there was an envelope at the bottom of the larger box but I chose not to open it, taking Nevada at his word that he didn’t give me something from dirty money. Lifting the necklace from the box I held it up and admired it, it was beautiful. I undid the lobster clasp and put it around my neck before making my way to the half bath on the first floor and looking in the mirror. My hands were shaking and I fingered the heart and suddenly realized Nevada had told me he loved me too. Oh God, how was this going to work? I was in love with a violent hardened criminal, what kind of life could we have?

At midnight I finally got up from the couch and made my way to my bedroom where I slipped my pants off and laid them over the chair sitting on the inside of the door. When I crawled in the bed I curled up on my side and my fingers automatically went to the hearts sitting just under my throat. I fell asleep with a smile on my face still running my fingers over the diamonds on the front heart.

I woke up a few hours later to the feel of arms around me and I knew it was Nevada. When I reached a hand back to his hip I could feel he was naked behind me.

He nuzzled his nose into my neck. “Mami, you should be asleep,” he whispered.

I turned toward him slightly so I could look in his green eyes and lifted the heart I still had under my fingers, “Thank you Nevada.”

Smiling he kissed my lips lightly, “Do you like it?”

“I love it, it’s beautiful,” I told him.

“Not as beautiful as you,” he said and lifted a hand to touch the hearts under my fingers.

“You signed the card ‘te amo,’” I said searching his eyes for any deception, “Do you mean it?”

Swallowing hard he nodded, “I don’t say things I don’t mean Mami.”

“How is this going to work?” I asked, my voice catching.

Nevada lifted his hand and cupped the side of my jaw, “We’ll figure it out as we go.” His mouth dipped into the crook of my neck where he ran his tongue and nipped the skin there.

(okay kids, stop listening now)

When he started to reach his hand under my shirt I stopped him, “Don’t please. I have scars…”

His eyes searched mine, “I know about the scars Mami, and I don’t care about them.”

I couldn’t help it, I tried to hold it back, but a sob escaped my mouth and some tears fell down my cheeks. I knew my lip was quivering as I looked at him.

Nevada’s thumb brushed the tears away, and he kissed me again. “Can I touch you over your shirt for tonight?” He whispered against my lips.

All I could do was nod, “And don’t put me on my back. Not tonight, not yet.” I needed a little more time to get used to this new intimacy between us, let it sink in that this really was okay.

He groaned, “You like to give me a challenge.”

I could feel his hard length twitch at the dip of my low back and his hand moved from under the hem of my t-shirt to over top of it. His hand ran up my belly, my sternum, to lay at the hollow of my throat as he kissed my neck again. Arching back into him I sighed as he moved his other arm under me so he could reach his hand up to cup my breast and run his thumb over my nipple which was already sensitive under my t-shirt. As he lightly caressed my breast and tweaked my nipple his other hand reached down to the hem of my panties and started to push them down. I lifted my hip so he could push them down as far as he could and I wiggled them down my legs to kick them off to the floor. His hand skimmed my thigh and over my belly before I felt one long finger reach between my legs to run between my lips there and find I was already soaking wet for him. Bracing his other fingers against my flesh he lightly traced my lips and brushed over my clit making my hips jump. My heart was hammering in my chest and I lifted my leg back over his to open myself up to him. He reached behind me and I could feel him move his erection between my legs, when his hips rocked gently the head of his penis brushed back over my lips making me moan softly. Nevada shifted down and I could feel his fingers guiding himself between my lips. When he rocked his hips again he slid fully into me then moved his hand to stimulate my clit and used his elbow to keep my knee over his leg. This time his movements were slower, gentler than our last coupling, we weren’t as needy as we were that first time. His lips roamed over my neck and jaw where he could reach, one hand was caressing my breast, the fingers of his other hand were gently stroking my clit, and each time his hips rocked him gently in and out of me I pushed back against him. This time my climax built slowly, tightening down onto Nevada until I felt my legs stiffen and I arched back into him moaning his name. He increased the speed of his thrusts as soon as my orgasm started and his came close behind mine. His hips slammed into me one last time and he groaned my name as he flattened his hand against my stomach holding me tightly to him and leaning his forehead on my shoulder.

It had never happened to me before but I had an emotional reaction to the intimacy and I started crying. Poor Nevada gave me a worried look but I smiled and shook my head at him.

“It’s just an emotional reaction Nevada. I’ve never felt safe with a man before. Not until now,” I told him seriously.

He pulled me back into him to hold me tightly, “I’ve got you Mami. I promise nothing will ever hurt you again. I’ve got you.”

Nodding I held onto his arms and my tears stopped as I whispered, “I know you do.”


	8. Panic

I wore the necklace your father gave me every day, only taking it off to shower. Every time I touched it I was reminded that your father loved me and it made me smile. He had a gentle caring side that only I saw back then apparently. The funny thing was after the first few months of knowing him I no longer worried that he’d hurt me, and when his temper showed up I just waited him out. But your father’s temper had a cruel side that I rarely saw, and when it came out in my presence it was never directed at me. Maybe that was what did it for us. I didn’t run from him, I hadn’t since the day we met. And he proved to me time and again that he would go out of his way to make sure nothing else ever hurt me and that he never would.

Most nights I would go to bed by myself but wake up at some point to find Nevada in my bed with me. Other nights he would be waiting in the Escalade for me to come home and we’d spend the evening eating dinner, watching movies, and talking. On some of those nights he’d bring take out with him, others I’d cook, and there were rare occasions that he would cook as well. He spent more time in my bed than he did in his own any longer and I found that I slept better with him there than I did without him. I trusted him but I was still getting used to the intimacy and even after 4 months since our first time together I still couldn’t bring myself to take off my shirt in front of him or let him put me on my back. (don’t worry kids, this particular story isn’t about our sex life)

Even though I’d dealt with my past, went through therapy to deal with it all, I still suffered from panic attacks on occasion. It had been one of the reasons for my rules with the men who came before Nevada. There were rare times through my adult life that my past came back to bite me in the ass. I handled it as best as I could but there was no help for it, after all I lived in the same brownstone I did growing up. So sometimes someone my mother knew would show up, see me, and think I still sold myself. Those were the worst for triggering my panic attacks and one of the rare times I saw Nevada’s cruel side.

I’d worked late at the hospital one night, until 7p.m., because we had a burn patient with a secondary infection and another in the ICU with necrotizing fasciitis. Normally I got off from the clinic at 5p.m. and one of the agreements I had with Nevada to keep his temper under wraps was that I text him if I was getting off late. Otherwise he’d worry and Ramon would show up in the clinic at 5:15p.m. That only happened once before we had that discussion. So as I was walking out of the main hospital entrance I pulled my cell phone out of my bag.

_Me: I’m leaving the hospital now._

I started walking in the direction of my brownstone, just breathing in the crisp March air, my fingers unconsciously making their way to the hearts at my throat. My phone buzzed in my bag and I grabbed it. Looking at the message I shook my head.

_Papi: Are you walking again? It’s cold Mami. And dark. Let me come get you._

_Me: I’ll be home before you could even get here. I’m fine, it’s a beautiful night._

By the time the phone buzzed again I was a third of the way home. I looked at the phone again and laughed.

_Papi: You make my blood boil Mami. There’s no arguing with you. I’ll be there as soon as I can, and I’ll bring dinner. Te amo._

_Me: Okay. I love you too._

It only took me another 20 minutes to finish the walk home and I pulled my keys from my bag as I approached my stairs. Before I could lift my keys to my door I heard someone approach behind me, I thought it was Nevada and turned around to find a man I didn’t recognize.

“Wow, Amber?” The man said with a leering smile.

I froze, that was the name my mother used for me to the johns she brought home. “I’m sorry but Amber is dead.” That was what I told anyone who asked about ‘her.’

“No, I remember you. You’re Amber. Rhonda always said you were a nice piece of ass. I never got a chance to try you out back then. How about now?”

Shaking my head, I tried unsuccessfully to put my key in the door, “No, I’m sorry, but like I told you Amber is dead.” I tried to stay calm but I just wanted to get in my house. And take a hot shower. Too hot.

“Come on baby, I got $200,” he said and moved up the stairs pressing himself into me from behind.

I could feel the bile rising at the back of my throat as I tried to move away from him and turned so my side was to his front and he wasn’t touching so much of me, “I said I’m not Amber. Now leave me alone.”

He pushed me back against the door and when I tried to struggle away from he pushed me again causing me to hit the door hard with the back of my head. “You’re a whore, you don’t get to say no.”

At that moment I heard the distinct click of the hammer of a gun being pulled back and the man’s hands went up.

“Pendejo. Back away from her. Right. The. Fuck. Now.” That was Nevada’s voice and he sounded livid.

“Hey man, I don’t mean no harm. If she’s your girl now I’ll pay you,” the man said.

“Wrong answer. On the sidewalk. NOW!” Nevada roared at him.

He backed down the stairs as quickly as he could and stood on the sidewalk with his hands still in the air. Nevada shifted his stance so that his right hand with the gun in it was pointed at the center of the man’s forehead and his left hand took the keys from my shaking hand. His eyes never left the source of his anger as he unlocked my door, turned the knob, and pushed it open with his booted foot. He didn’t look back at me but he handed the keys back to me and pushed me gently inside the door.

“Mami, lock this door behind me. I will be back in an hour. Understood?” He asked in a gentle tone.

“Okay,” I said quietly and went inside my foyer. When I closed the door I looked out the peephole. Nevada was still standing there, gun pointed at the man’s forehead along with his eyes. As soon as I locked the door Nevada descended the stairs and put the gun to the man’s forehead and using one booted foot kicked him toward the Escalade where Ramon got out and opened the back door for him to stumble into the backseat. Ramon got in behind him and Nevada tucked the gun into the waistband of his pants at his back before looking around the street then back to my door. His expression was a mask of fury, he pushed his jacket back and put his hands on his hips before spitting on the ground and turning back to the Escalade where he got into the front passenger seat and the SUV peeled away from the curb and sped off.

I was breathing heavy and my vision was cloudy, I knew I was on the verge of a panic attack. Running up my stairs I shed my coat and shoes and went into the master bathroom. Turning the shower on all the way to the hot side I turned around and yanked the medicine cabinet open and searched frantically for my Xanax. By the time I found it I’d knocked everything out of the cabinet into the sink. My hands were shaking so badly that when I got the bottle open I spilled half it’s contents all over the floor. I set the bottle back in the cabinet and dropped to the floor picking up two of the pills and shoving them in my mouth, that was half a milligram which should stave off the panic and held me sleep. Pushing myself up on my knees I turned the water back to hot rather than scalding, I really didn’t feel like burning myself, and crawled over the rim of the tub into the shower fully clothed. I put my head back on the wall and opened my mouth to the water pounding down on me and swallowed the pills.

I had no idea how long I sat there in the tub with the water pounding down on me. It was long enough for the water to run cold and still I stayed there until a hand reached in and turned off the water then pushed the shower curtain back. Nevada looked down on me, he had shed his jacket somewhere before making his way to me.

“Mami, you have to take those clothes off and dry off,” he told me seriously.

I started shivering uncontrollably and my lip was quivering, “I…c…c…can’t.”

“Will you let me help you?” He asked.

All I could do was nod. I was so cold my fingers and toes were stiff and my knees felt frozen. He left the bathroom for a minute and came back with two towels. Sweeping my hair back from my face he squeezed the water from the ends before using one of the towels to run it through my hair and dry it to damp.

“Lift your arms, let me get your shirt off,” he instructed.

I dropped my eyes and bit my lip. My teeth were chattering and I wasn’t in a position to argue. Lifting my arms above my head I let him pull my shirt off and unclasp my bra and pull it from my shaking arms. He looked in my eyes and wrapped the towel from my hair around my shoulders and dried my skin with it before helping me to stand. I put one shaking arm around his shoulders and he unzipped my pants and pushed them down my legs pulling my panties with them. The other towel he used to dry my legs then wrapped it around my waist before reaching behind my knees and picking me up off my feet and carrying me to the bed. He sat me on the edge of the bed and went to my dresser where he pulled a long-sleeved t-shirt and pair of fleece pants from the drawers. I was too cold to be of much help so he dressed me like one would a child before he pulled the covers on the bed down and helped me get under them. Once I was under the covers he undressed down to his boxers and black t-shirt and got into the bed pulling me to him and enveloping me in his strong embrace. I could feel his body heat through our clothes, and I curled into him reaching my hand up to rest on his jaw, it was tense.

“Mami, the pills on the floor of the bathroom and the open bottle. How many did you take?” He asked quietly. The tension in his jaw made a little more sense, he was afraid I might have overdosed myself. He probably saw that a lot.

“O…only…t…two. Normal d…dose,” I stammered.

He let out a breath and kissed my forehead.

“W…what, did y…you do t…to…” I started to ask but felt him shaking his head.

“No questions Mami.” Was all he said and I felt his arms close a little tighter around me. “You’re not walking home by yourself anymore.”

I couldn’t argue with him right then so I just stayed quiet and buried my face in his neck. It wasn’t long before I fell asleep.


	9. You're Not that Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Another smutty chapter ahead. Last one. :O)

After the incident with the man on my steps your father always made sure he was at the hospital to pick me up after I got off. He tried sending the guy that normally drove the Escalade for him once, Carlos was his name, but I vehemently refused to get into a car alone with him. Your father was furious when I refused and chose to walk instead, forcing Carlos to follow behind me. That happened about a month since he'd stopped letting me walk home alone.

It was Friday night and I'd been home for about an hour, I figured once Carlos drove off that he was headed to get Nevada. Fortunately, I wasn't on clinic duty Saturday and was taking the day off from seeing patients so I was enjoying my evening since I could actually sleep in the next day. I was curled up on my couch with a bottle of wine and a bowl of popcorn watching _The Shawshank Redemption_ when I heard my front door bang open. Nevada had a key to the brownstone I'd discovered, I never asked how he got it, and by that point it didn't matter.

"What. The. Fuck. Mami?!" He boomed behind me.

I turned around with a handful of popcorn halfway to my mouth and looked at him. He was fuming as he shed his leather jacket and laid it over one of the stools at the breakfast bar. Shaking my head I just turned back to my movie and ate my popcorn.

"You ignoring me?" His voice was still raised, he had come around to the side of the couch facing me with his hands on his hips.

"No Nevada, I am not ignoring you. You're yelling and ‘what the fuck’ is not a question," I told him flatly.

He rolled his eyes and gestured toward the front of the house with his hands, "You wouldn't get in the SUV for Carlos to take you home. He had to follow while you walked. I thought we agreed no more walking home alone?"

I cleared my throat and held a fist up shaking it for him to see, raising a finger with each of my points I said, "One, you ordered, not we agreed. Two, I was not alone. And three, I am not getting into a car with one of your thugs by myself."

"You fucking know Carlos!" He yelled.

I continued eating my popcorn so he'd get the point that I wasn't going to talk to him while he was yelling.

It took all of thirty seconds before he dropped down on the couch beside me, picked up my wine glass, and drank down the wine before he poured more back in for me. He turned slightly toward me then scooted in closer so our bodies were touching and reached his hand out to brush my hair back from my face, "I'm done yelling, I know you won't talk to me when I do."

Smiling I turned to look at him and offered him the bowl of popcorn, he took a handful and watched me as he ate the kernels out of his hand. "I don't know Carlos, I know he works for you and he drives you around to do your business. But that's not the point Nevada. I trust you, that's it, you. Not them."

"Mami they're there to keep you safe. It's not just old friends of your mother I worry about, people are starting to know you're important to me. And I do have enemies," he told me seriously, his hand had moved to wrap around my throat with his thumb resting on my collarbone. His Cheshire Cat grin fell into place, "Not everybody likes Nevada Ramirez as much as you do."

I laughed then moved the popcorn bowl to my other side before turning toward him, "I get that Nevada, and I know you want to protect me. But I will not get into any vehicle with one of them unless you're there." I stuck my finger in his chest and poked him with each word, "I. Only. Trust. You."

His brow furrowed as he grabbed my finger and shook his head, "That makes no sense."

I shrugged and leaned into him laying my head in the crook of his neck and cuddled closer to him. "I trust you. But I don't have to trust them and I don't want to. I'm not comfortable alone with men like that."

He pushed me back away from him to look me in the eyes, "Mami, you do know who I am right?"

"Yes Nevada, remember I told you the first day I met you that I know who you are. I don't know how it happened but you don't feel the same to me," I shook my head and held up a hand when he started to say something. "Don't. When you're with me you're not that man Nevada. And while I do know what that man does, I don't want details. Eventually we're going to have to deal with the ramifications of what you do, but just not now."

Snapping his mouth shut he just looked at me for a few seconds before shaking his head, "Fine. If I can't come with Carlos you can walk and he'll follow."

I nodded my head and brought the bowl of popcorn between us again and put my head back on his shoulder. His arm snaked around my shoulders and his finger traced circles on my upper arm. "Mami, if you trust me why won't you take off your shirt or let me be on top when we fuck?"

"That's not about trusting you Nevada, that's about my triggers," I sighed at his crass description of what I considered our lovemaking and sat up to look at him again.

He looked confused.

"If you're on top of me I’ll feel overpowered and out of control, which might set off my panic. It may not, you seem to keep me calm where I used to panic,” I told him honestly. I saw him glance to my chest, “I’m afraid you won’t want me anymore when you see the scars.”

Giving me an annoyed look he turned his head and worked his jaw for a minute before standing up and toeing off his boots. Turning back to me he motioned for me to set the bowl of popcorn on the coffee table. I was curious what he was doing so I complied and looked back to him. He waved his hand at the couch, “Lie down Mami.”

I raised an eyebrow at him, “What are you going to do?”

He smiled at me and opened his arms wide, “We’re going to neck like teenagers on the couch.”

“Are you crazy?” I asked him but was intrigued.

Waggling his hand he grinned at me, “Come on, you trust me right?”

I chuckled and put a throw pillow down at the end of the couch and laid down with my head on it before looking back up at him, “Yes Nevada, don’t make me regret it.”

It was his turn to laugh, “Never Mami.” He moved toward the couch and put a knee down behind my legs and leaned over me before putting a hand on each side of my head.

“What are you doing?” I whispered.

“Making out with my girlfriend,” he whispered back and dipped his head down low so his lips brushed mine before his tongue reached out and traced my bottom lip. I opened my mouth and he leaned into me crushing my mouth with his, our tongues dancing together in a heated kiss.

(sorry kids, stop listening while I reminisce)

My hands reached up and ran over the muscles of his biceps and over his shoulders. Nevada was an incredibly good kisser. Who was I kidding? He was good at it all. For a man with the reputation he had it was difficult to believe he knew how to work a woman’s body into such a frenzy of desire and pleasure. It would be easier to believe he was the kind of man who was more likely to take his pleasure and leave the woman to find her own. But that was just not the case at all. Speaking of, he had dropped to his elbow and leaned back against the couch putting a little of his weight on me. I could feel his erection on my thigh and felt a rush of wetness between my legs. Jesus, it just didn’t take much with him. He reached his hand down and pushed the waistband of my pants to my hips and splayed his hand over the skin of my belly covering my navel and stroking the flesh there.

Lifting his head he looked in my eyes, “Te amo Mami. I’m not gonna hurt you. You know that right?”

I held his gaze and nodded.

“And nothing will stop me from loving you,” he told me firmly.

I swallowed and nodded again.

“Then let me love you Mami,” his hand had come up and his thumb rubbed my bottom lip and his lust filled eyes held mine.

“God Nevada when you look at me like that I don’t think I could stop you if I wanted to,” I told him hoarsely.

“I’m not that kind of man Mami. I don’t care what my reputation says, I don’t make women do what they don’t want,” his thumb continued to rub on my bottom lip and he dipped his head to the hollow of my throat to lick the skin there.

“I know,” I whispered. And I did know that. Despite his reputation for cruelty, rape was something I just didn’t believe he had in him.

He continued kissing my neck as his hand moved back down and started moving the hem of my shirt up a little at a time stroking the flesh he revealed as he moved up. Before I realized what he’d done my shirt was pushed above my breasts and most of my scars were visible to his eyes. He pushed himself down the couch until his face was even with my breasts and his breath tickled my naked flesh.

“Mami, don’t hide these from me anymore,” he whispered as his tongue reached out to run over the hardened nipple closest to him and his hand cupped my other breast squeezing the nipple between his thumb and forefinger.

I moaned softly as his ministrations to my nipples sent electric tingling sensations down my body. He’d moved out of my reach so I couldn’t even touch him so I settled my hands to fluttering around and kneading his back. His mouth continued its assault on my breasts and his hand moved down my body tickling the flesh with his fingers as he moved lower. When he reached the waistband of my pants that he’d pushed to my hips earlier he tugged it down further and when I lifted my hips he pushed them as far down as he could and I kicked them off to the floor. I hadn’t worn panties when I changed after getting home, knowing that I wouldn’t be wearing them long after Nevada got there I didn’t see the point.

He looked up at me with that Cheshire Cat grin and waggled his finger at me, “Naughty Mami, not wearing any panties.”

I just grinned back at him and watched as he shifted so that my leg was pinned between his hip and the couch and he reached one long finger over my clit and inside of me. Crooking his finger in a come hither motion as he slowly pulled it back out of me my legs trembled with anticipation. Grinning he looked at his glistening finger and put it into his mouth, looking up and watching me as he sucked the evidence of my desire off of it. I dropped my other foot to the floor opening myself up to him completely and he looked at me for a long minute before unbuckling his belt and making quick work of shedding his jeans. Rising over me he looked in my eyes as he pressed the head of his penis into me and stayed like that for what felt like an eternity. I needed all of him in that moment and lifted my legs to wrap around his waist pulling his hard length completely into me. He closed his eyes and sucked in a breath, I could feel him vibrating trying really hard to gain control of himself. When he stilled he reached back over his head to pull his shirt off and I was treated to a fully naked, totally sexy Nevada. When he opened his eyes again to look in mine they were full of love and he smiled. I knew in that moment that this was who I was going to spend the rest of my life with.

I arched my back up, pressing my breasts into his chest, and pulled my shirt over my head and tossed it to the floor. His lips descended on mine again and he started rocking his hips as I lifted my hips to meet his. The sensation in this position was different, more intense, with every thrust my nipples grazed the flesh and hair of his chest and the friction over my clit was electrifying. I started mewling, that’s the only word I had for it, and that seemed to turn him on even more.

“God Mami, keep purring like that and you’re going to make me cum before I’m ready,” he groaned.

Grinning I arched my back and moaned softly. That just made him crazy and he pushed up on his hands to hover over me as he snapped his hips harder and faster. It didn’t take long before I felt myself tightening around him and with only two more thrusts we were each moaning the others name. His head dropped to the crook of my neck and I felt his lips kiss me lightly. We were both covered in a light sheen of sweat and breathing heavily.

“Mami, you’re naked,” he chuckled.

I ran my hands over the muscles of his back and I smiled, “And you’re on top of me.”

He lifted his head and smiled, “You’re going to marry me someday Mami.”

My heart stuttered in my chest as he propped himself up on his elbows and ran his thumbs over my cheeks before kissing me.


	10. Surprise!

It was July, just under a year from the first time I met your father, before things started to get really complicated. I'd started feeling off the month before, tired all of the time, mild nausea if I woke up really early in the morning, horrendous heartburn all of the time, a slight fever, and muscle aches. I hate to say it but my first thought was that your father had given me some STI/STD. In hind sight, I should have realized he hadn't lied to me and that it was something bigger.

Since I was an infectious disease doctor I tested myself in my clinic, everything was negative, and I was ashamed of myself for even thinking Nevada lied to me. Then I started thinking maybe it was just an acquired sensitivity to something in my environment so I started taking an antihistamine which actually helped quite a bit. Except for the muscle soreness and fatigue that seemed to continue to get worse. All kinds of things were running through my head as to what it could be, and I ran a multitude of blood tests on myself. Everything came back normal.

Then one of my colleagues asked if there was a possibility I could be pregnant, I denied it of course, but I had to think back really hard to when my last period was. It was never regular, I'd had infections and scarring as a teenager which threw my cycle off and damaged my ovaries. I'd been told I wouldn't be able to conceive which was why I never worried about an accident with Nevada. He knew about it, we'd had that discussion early on after we became intimate. I didn't want him to think there was a possibility of children where there wasn't, especially since he'd told me he wanted to be a father.

I stopped at 5 different drug stores on the way home that afternoon and picked up 20 different pregnancy tests. I'd lied to your father and told him I was working late so I could walk home and get what I needed. He'd just have to yell at me when he got to the brownstone later in the evening after I told him I was home. In the meantime, I locked myself in my master bath and proceeded to take pregnancy test after pregnancy test. Every single damn one was positive. Twenty pregnancy tests. I was baffled. Happy. Scared. And nervous as hell to tell Nevada his wish was at least partly coming true.

Leaving my bathroom with every available surface covered by a pregnancy test I made my way back down to my living room and curled up on the couch. Pulling my phone from my pocket I swiped across it's face and pulled up Nevada's contact. My hands were shaking as I typed out a text to him. I wasn't afraid of him, but I was concerned considering our prior conversation as to how he would react.

_Me: Please don't be angry but I'm already home. I had a good reason. We need to talk. Come over as soon as you can._

His response was immediate, and terse.

_Papi: Really Mami? Fine. I'm coming._

I put my phone on the coffee table in front of me and leaned my forehead into my hands which were still shaking. The front door banged opened shortly after and I could hear his hurried footsteps coming into the room.

"So, I know you're going to tell me again that it's not a question. But, what the fuck Mami? You walked home by yourself? What if something happened to you?" He stood over me, not yelling, but I knew by the sound of his of his voice and his inflection of certain words that he was angry.

"I had a good reason," I whispered. I was suddenly really scared. Of everything. His reaction. Being pregnant. How things were going to change. Would he really want a family? Was I going to have to raise a baby on my own because he couldn't or wouldn't get away from the life he was in? What if I lost him? What if I lost the baby and him? And then I was crying, not loud body wracking sobs, just tears streaming down my face and my shoulders shaking slightly. But it was enough that Nevada noticed.

He dropped to his knees in front of me and took my hands, "What's wrong Mami? I can't fix it if you don't tell me what's wrong."

I shook my head, "You can't fix it Nevada. Just..." I lifted my head to look in his worried green eyes, I couldn't find the words, "Go into the master bathroom. It's in there."

Something passed his expression then that went from confusion to real fear and he sprung up to run up the stairs as fast as he could. I could hear him running down the hallway to the bedroom then a crash when he got into the bathroom and a loud, "Jesus Christ!" Then absolute silence for what felt like an eternity.

My face was still in my hands when one of the pregnancy tests was shoved under my nose. "Is this real?" His voice was quiet, reverent almost, and when I looked up Nevada looked hopeful.

I nodded, "There's 19 more tests up there that all say the same thing."

He fell to his knees and dropped his head in my lap, his hands came up to rest at my waist, the test he was holding fell from his hand forgotten to the floor. I could feel him breathing and one hand made it's way to rest on my belly before his lips made it there. "My baby. OUR baby." When Nevada looked up at me there were real tears in his eyes and I knew he'd make everything work because he wanted us.

All I could do was nod at him and he rose up on his knees, cupped my face in his hands, and kissed me. Softly, tenderly, with more heartfelt emotion than I'd ever felt from him. And when he looked at me the depth of emotion in his eyes startled me. It still felt strange to know that I was the only person who saw this side of him. That the other side was so dark and deadly and the man he was with me was soft and kind.

"Are you happy Mami?" He asked quietly before finally sitting down next to me and pulling me into his lap.

"That. And scared, and worried, and nervous," I told him honestly. All that kept running through my mind was what he told me so many months ago. He wanted to be a father but didn't want his children in the life he led. "How is this going to work Nevada?"

His smile was both heartfelt and sly at the same time, "Don't you worry about that. I'll make sure it works."

Searching his eyes I could see absolute conviction in them that what he was telling me was true so I just nodded and told him okay. Later that evening we were lying in bed naked after having made love, his words this time. Nevada had been especially tender and gentle with me, and he was holding me close to his side.

"Mami, would you ever consider leaving Washington Heights?" He asked quietly.

I lifted my face so I could look at him and his eyes dropped to meet mine. "I'd go anywhere you are," I whispered to him.

He pursed his lips and nodded once before kissing my forehead and whispering to me to go to sleep.

A few weeks later Nevada drove us into New Jersey to the OB I'd chosen out there. After several discussions, we decided to have my pre-natal care in New Jersey to try to keep things quiet as long as possible until we could figure out what we were doing. We made our way into the waiting room where I was given a clipboard full of papers to fill out. One question stumped me and Nevada who was lounging back in his chair bouncing his leg looked at it and smiled.

"Our teenage make-out session on your couch," his grin was self-satisfied and I realized he was telling me that our baby was conceived the evening I finally broke the last of my rules with him.

I narrowed my eyes at him, "So you think I'm 14 weeks along?"

He just gave a quick shrug of his shoulders and smirked.

Shaking my head, I finished the paperwork and gave it to the medical assistant at the desk. It wasn't long before I was called back, weighed, my vitals checked, blood taken, and we were ushered into a room where I was told to disrobe and put on a paper gown. Nevada laughed when I stripped down to nothing but the pink sparkly socks on my feet and put on the stupid paper gown. He helped me up onto the exam table where I scooted to the edge and sat there to wait.

I glared at him as he continued to snicker, "It's not funny Nevada, the floor is cold."

That just made his grin wider and him laugh harder.

The doctor came in ten minutes later. I'd chosen a female because I was afraid Nevada might try to throttle a male doctor that touched me in ways he felt were inappropriate but were in fact necessary to my condition. After the usual exam and a slew of questions she suggested an ultrasound to check the gestational age of our baby. We both readily agreed since that meant we'd get to see our little one.

When she brought the machine in the room, squirted the gel on my belly, and moved the wand around until a picture of a tiny baby showed on the screen we were both in awe. Nevada squinted at the screen a second before standing up from the chair he was sitting in and took my hand before pointing over at it with a huge Cheshire Cat grin. I looked over and was stunned.

"Dr. Anders are there..." I couldn't finish my question, it stuck in my throat.

"Two? Yes. You're having twins, and it looks like there are two placentas so they're fraternal. Congratulations," she smiled at us and moved the wand so each of the babies was visible and clicked a button to capture stills of them which we'd leave with. "And by their size I'd guess you're about 14 weeks along."

I closed my eyes and raised a hand to cover them as I heard Nevada's chuckle.

"I told you so Mami," was all he said to me.

We drove home with those pictures of our babies sitting in my lap, and Nevada's hand holding mine.

A week later I was sitting on my couch waiting for Nevada to get there when someone knocked on my door. Nevada never knocked so I knew it wasn't him. Standing up I padded to the door in bare feet and looked through the peephole. There were two men in dark suits standing there and I could see one had a badge on his waist. My heart sank, the ramifications of what Nevada did were finally catching up with us.


	11. Escape

I opened the door to the two men and one held up his badge. He was tall and lanky and looked about my age, his partner was shorter and stockier and appeared about 10 years older. “Dr. Lang?”

“Yes?” I had a sinking feeling I wasn’t going to be happy once these two left.

“Detectives Redden and Hansen, we’re with homicide. May we come in?” The tall one, Redden, asked.

I nodded and waved them in. Hopefully Nevada wouldn’t show up while they were in the house. I led them to the living room and waved to the armchairs as I sat on the couch with one leg under me. “Can I get you anything?”

Redden shook his head as they sat down before he quickly glanced to his partner then looked back to me, “Dr. Lang it’s our understanding that you were involved with Nevada Ramirez?”

His use of the past tense in reference to my relationship with Nevada didn’t go unnoticed but I wasn’t sure what he was trying to imply. Nevada and I had agreed months ago that if any law enforcement were to come to me about him that I wouldn’t lie about our relationship. He didn’t want me to get in any kind of legal trouble which is why he never kept anything of his at the brownstone and we never talked about what he did. The one time there was an arrest warrant out for him he didn’t come to the brownstone until it was resolved because he didn’t want to take the chance I’d be accused of harboring a fugitive.

I took a deep breath, my heart was fluttering in my chest. This had to be about the man who accosted me in front of the brownstone that Nevada held the gun on, “Yes, I am. Why?”

The older one, Hansen, gave me a sympathetic look, “I’m very sorry Dr. Lang but he was killed early this morning when the car he was driving exploded.”

Nevada had left at 1a.m. that morning saying he had gotten a text from Carlos that they had an issue that needed to be taken care of. He left me with a passionate kiss, two sweet kisses to my belly, and told me how much he loved us.

I stared at him with a dumbfounded look, not quite registering what he said, and just shook my head, “No. You have to be wrong. No.”

“I’m sorry Dr. Lang but we’re sure,” Redden told me gently but firmly.

Looking between them I could feel my jaw working but no words came out. They were lying, I knew they were. We had just found out about our babies, he promised everything was going to work out. There was just no way he could be gone. A million things were running through my head about why he couldn’t be gone. “This is some kind of sick joke. I don’t know anything about what he does if that’s what this is about…”

Redden held a hand up, “We know that Dr. Lang. He used you as a cover, we’re aware of that. You’re not in any trouble. We just wanted to know if he told you about any threats made against him?”

All my brain could focus on was the accusation that Nevada had used me as a cover, “A cover? Is that what you think?” I was trying so very hard to stay calm and not freak out, I knew this was just some ploy to get information that I simply didn’t have, and the babies didn’t need me stressed.

“Dr. Lang we do believe he was using you to detract from some of his criminal activities,” Hansen told me.

I squeezed my eyes shut, that wasn’t true, I knew it wasn’t. My head was shaking without my realizing it and my eyes were focused somewhere on the floor. My heart was thumping in my chest so hard I was sure they could hear it. “No, he never mentioned any threats,” I whispered. My eyes lifted to Redden, “Are you sure it was Nevada?”

“I’m sorry Dr. Lang, we’re sure,” he said as the two men stood up. Redden reached in his pocket and held out his card, I took it with wooden fingers and followed them to the door willing myself upright. “If you think of anything that might help us determine who was responsible call me.”

Once the door was closed I put my hand flat on the door and touched my belly where the babies were probably sleeping. I just knew this couldn’t be true, if Nevada were gone I’d know it in my heart, I knew I would. Wouldn’t I? I mean, his babies were growing under my heart, we’d created two little lives that needed him. And seeing the look on his face when he was the first of us to realize there was two and the tears in his eyes when he found out I was pregnant I knew we were going to make it. He’d show up just like he always did and when I told him about the Detectives he’d reassure me that they were just fishing. Of course, this also meant we needed to figure out what we were doing sooner rather than later. I didn’t want to raise two babies with the constant worry that their father was going to be arrested at any minute. At this point I wanted it all, I wanted to be married before the babies were born, I wanted us to live together as a family, I wanted Nevada to be there for all of the milestones. He had a plan, I knew he did, but he hadn’t shared it with me yet. It was time that he did and I was going to tell him we had to talk about it as soon as he got there.

I sat on the couch watching reruns of _Friends_ until 9p.m. before I picked up my phone and looked at it. Nothing from Nevada, which happened sometimes, so I sent him a text message.

_Me: Where are you? Please let me know you’re okay._

At 10:30p.m. when I hadn’t received an answer I called him which I rarely did because often he couldn’t answer. The phone picked up. Thank God! I knew he was okay.

“We’re sorry but the cellular number you are calling is temporarily out of service.”

What the fuck? I didn’t have any other numbers for him and didn’t know how to get a hold of his family, Carlos, or Ramon.

A devastating thought suddenly came to me and my heart sank. What if what the detective said was true and Nevada had simply used me as a cover? What if he didn’t really love me and didn’t really want the babies? I’d fallen hopelessly in love with him, trusted him, and was going to have his babies. I was sure I knew him, the real him, and that the kind, sweet, caring man I knew was the real man under the hard, cruel exterior he had shown everyone else. The way he acted with me had been too real, too genuine, for me to be a cover. As my heart started to thump in my chest I realized I needed to know if the other part of what the detectives told me was true.

With my hands shaking I turned the TV on to the late news and watched the anchor talk about various things happening around the city. When they got to the day’s crime report I started to pay attention.

“…early this morning at 3a.m. a Black Escalade driven by known Dominican drug dealer, Nevada Ramirez, exploded killing Mr. Ramirez instantly. It is believed that turf wars…”

I tuned out at that point. My heart was pounding in my chest and I felt like I was moving in slow motion through thick water. Placing my hands on my belly I closed my eyes as time seemed to stop and I heard a piercing wail echo through the room that I recognized as my own. Tears streamed down my face and I cried, hard gut wrenching sobs that made it hard to breath. My chest grew tight and my vision started to cloud over. I was having a panic attack and I needed to get upstairs to my Xanax. Dr. Anders had told me I could take the Xanax if I was feeling an imminent panic attack that I couldn’t stave off by non-pharmacological means. There was no way I was going to be able to keep this panic attack from coming on. Nevada had been my source of calm and safety and he was…I couldn’t even think it. If I didn’t say it or think it then it wasn’t really true and he’d be coming home to me.

My feet and hands were starting to tingle and my chest was getting tighter, it was getting harder and harder to breath. I tried to stand but fell back on the couch. I dropped to my knees and crawled to the stairs but realized if I tried crawling up them and fell I could hurt the babies. If Nevada really was…I sucked in a breath and choked back a sob before finishing that thought. At least I’d have a part of him with me for the rest of my life. I had his legacy, his children, and I was going to make sure they came into this world happy and healthy even if my heart was broken. I’d have to leave Washington Heights, but there was nothing keeping me there any longer. As crazy as it sounded after meeting and falling in love with Nevada I’d started to believe he was the reason I came back to the Heights. Even though I had no idea that would happen I believed in fate and I did believe Nevada was my destiny. We may have had a little under a year together but it was the happiest year of my life and I could say that I knew what true love felt like. If that was all the love I had to live on for the rest of my life that was okay because Nevada was enough.

I sat at the bottom of the stairs with my back against the wall, crying, grieving for the father of my babies and the man I loved. At some point I fell asleep and when I woke up, with a splitting headache and cottonmouth, light was streaming through the small stain glass window at the top of my door. Standing on wobbly feet I set out to make sure that even though I was devastated, that my babies would continue to thrive. There was a lot to do and little time to do it if I was going to get out of Washington Heights and find someplace safe to settle where we could have the fresh start Nevada had wanted for us. My brain was running a mile a minute and I knew I was in denial. Eventually I’d have to really deal with my grief but there were too many things I had to do before I could let myself fall apart. The brownstone would have to be sold, fortunately there had been a real estate developer that had been hounding me for years to buy the place. His last offer had been $1.2 million. Quite frankly I thought he was crazy, but that kind of money right now would certainly allow us some comfort until my feet were under me.

The next week was a flurry of activity. I spent my nights crying into my pillow and hugging his to my chest, breathing in his scent that I was sure would fade way too soon. Fortunately, the value of the brownstone had increased and the final offer, with little negotiation, was $1.5 million. I’d told them I was leaving town imminently and they could take possession after two weeks. Walking out of their office with a check I went right to the largest national bank I could find and opened a new account. My first purchase was a brand new black Escalade, a little silly nostalgia, so I knew I’d have room for myself and the babies once they came, but in the meantime, would have plenty of room for whatever I was packing and chose to take from the brownstone with me. The agreement with the real estate developer was that anything I left behind was theirs to do with as they saw fit so my plan was to take what I needed and what was specifically sentimental. Everything Nevada had given me I could wear and I only had one picture of us together, that had been taken on his phone at my insistence and he had printed for me, but I would treasure that picture for all of the rest of my days.

I discovered Nevada’s funeral was a week after he was killed and I attended the grave side service, but stood back away from everyone and watched from a distance as his coffin was lowered into the ground. His mother cried over him as did his sisters and the rest of his family. Even Carlos and Ramon were there. I left without a word but tears quietly streaming down my face.

By the time, I had to turn the brownstone over to the real estate developer I was ready. I’d packed everything I needed and wanted, and had an idea as to where I’d go. I was going west, to a small town in Wyoming that needed an Internal Medicine physician where I could buy a house and raise the babies, who I was sure by then were a boy and a girl. I’d care for the people of that small town as I had those in Washington Heights, and even if all my life from that point on was just being a mother and a small town doctor that was okay because I’d had Nevada and real love for a short time.

As I descended the steps of the brownstone that was no longer mine and put the keys into the lockbox that had been installed I looked over to the spot where Nevada had first stood and I smiled. Until I saw a black sedan pull up behind my new Escalade and two more men in suits get out. My smiled dropped from my face as they walked up to me and one flashed a badge.

“Dr. Lang? I’m Special Agent Foster and this is Special Agent Kyles with the FBI. You’ll need to come with us please.”

I dropped my head into my hands. I’d known it had been too easy. All I wanted to do was get out of the Heights and have my babies in peace.


	12. A New Beginning...

Once I composed myself I looked up at the two men, "I've had a really rough week fellas. Do we have to do this now?"

Foster gestured to the Escalade, "It appears you plan to leave town so yes, we need to do this now. You can come with us quietly or we can take you downtown in cuffs." He stepped in toward me and said in a low voice that only I could hear, "We'd much prefer not to handcuff a pregnant woman."

I narrowed my eyes at him, they'd apparently been following me, and I waved my hand to their sedan. Foster walked back toward it and opened the rear passenger door while Kyles got into the driver’s seat. Before getting into the car I noticed a tow truck coming down the street and my jaw dropped open as I watched it back in front of the Escalade.

"What the fuck?" I asked, glaring at Foster.

"The vehicle will be towed to impound where it's to be searched for drugs," he told me.

I knew something wasn't right, they had to have a warrant for that. Before I opened my mouth though he gave me a hard look.

"Just get in," he said barely moving his lips.

I got into the backseat and slammed the door making Kyles jump. "He said you had a temper."

Folding my arms across my chest after I put on my seatbelt I stared at the back of his head, "Who?"

"Ramirez," Foster said. "We'll discuss it once we get to Federal Plaza."

"Whatever," I threw back, now I was angry. They had been following me this entire time, had apparently been talking to Nevada before he was killed. "Are you the reason Nevada was killed?"

Foster looked at Kyles then back to me, "Like I said..."

I just held up a hand, "Yeah, I got it. You want to wait until you have me in an interrogation room." At that point I leaned my head back on the seat and closed my eyes and I could feel tears starting to well up and roll down my cheeks. It wasn't supposed to be this way.

Nevada was supposed to be here. He was getting out of that life so we could have a fresh start and be a family. Now I would have to raise the babies on my own and he'd never get to see their sweet faces and they would never get to know their father. A pervasive sadness had been looming over me since I realized he'd been ripped from my life way too soon. I still wasn't in a position to really grieve the way I needed to, but until I was settled in a new town far away from Washington Heights I had to keep myself together. These two FBI agents were really putting a monkey wrench in my ability to do that.

It didn't take long for them to stop in front of 26 Federal Plaza and I sat stubbornly in the back seat until Foster opened the door for me. They led me inside the building and up a few floors to the Department of Justice offices. Now I was completely baffled. I was finally left in what actually looked like a large conference room. Foster asked if I needed anything and I just glared at him until he backed out of the room. My stomach was rumbling and I knew I needed to eat but my nerves were too on edge and the last thing I wanted was to be throwing up surrounded by strangers. The plan had been to stop for breakfast once I was outside of Manhattan and pick up a road map but the FBI ruined that idea. I was being unreasonably stubborn I knew but I was angry and I hadn't always been rational when I was angry.

I sat at that conference table for ten minutes drumming my fingers on the table when Foster came back in with something on a plate that he sat in front of me along with a can of ginger ale. Narrowing my eyes I gave him a questioning look.

He huffed, "My wife just had our first. You need to eat even if you are pissed off." And he walked back out the door. An FBI agent actually caring? What a thought.

I looked at what was on the plate, it was a plain bagel, toasted, with a little cup of butter and a little cup of what looked like cream cheese with honey in it. Deciding that my babies wellbeing was more important than being stubborn I chose the cream cheese and spread it over the bagel. After eating it I opened the ginger ale and took a few sips and felt a little better.

After sitting there waiting for a little over 45 minutes a different man came in. He was wearing a charcoal grey suit with a periwinkle blue tie, had a badge on a chain around his neck, and looked to be in his early 50s.

Holding his hand out to me he smiled, "Dr. Lang I'm Deputy US Marshall Ty Scott."

I shook his hand and looked at him with what was surely a totally baffled expression.

"I see you have no idea why you're here. Good. We needed the pick up to look genuine, like you were being brought in for questioning as an accessory," he told me as he sat down across from me.

"What do you mean?" I asked cautiously.

He proceeded to explain that Nevada had been talking to the FBI and DOJ since September of last year, the month after we'd met. Apparently, he'd turned himself in and offered information that several law enforcement agencies really wanted. Since his first meeting with them he'd become a confidential informant and once he found out about the babies he had told his handler that he had to get out. They were in the process of setting up witness protection for us when he was killed. Which was what brought them to me. Deputy Marshall Scott had made a promise to Nevada that no matter what happened to him they would make sure the babies and I were safe. So they were relocating me with the new identity that had been created for me. But since they were unsure who had Nevada killed or who knew about me or the babies they needed to make it look like I was under criminal investigation. They thought bringing me in as a suspected accessory to a criminal enterprise and then making it look like I'd been sent away to some federal prison somewhere would be the best option for me to disappear.

As to the new identity I was to be Dr. Emma Barnes, Nevada would have been Gabriel. The SUV hadn't been impounded to search for drugs. It was being switched for the vehicle registered to my new identity and everything was being moved into that vehicle. My new bank account was being 'seized' as profits from a criminal enterprise but the money actually placed into an account under my new name at a bank in my new home town. Which was going to be a small town on the outskirts of Seattle, Washington.

Deputy Marshal Scott had one last little bit of information for me that made me happy and sad at the same time.

He reached into an inside pocket of his jacket and removed a folded sheet of yellow paper and pushed it across the table to me. "When we were preparing your new identities, we asked Ramirez to give us first names that he thought would be easy for you to transition into but unsimilar to your current names."

I gave him a puzzled look as he gestured to the paper in front of me. Picking it up I looked at him again and he was smiling at me. When I opened it I found Nevada's handwriting.

_Me - Gabriel_

_Mami - Emma_

_Mijo - Mason_

_Mija - Madison_

"We didn't ask him for names for your babies since we were sure we'd have you relocated before you gave birth, but I thought you'd want to know he was thinking of them in this," he told me.

"Can I keep this?" I asked quietly, not taking my eyes from what he'd written. Apparently, we were of the same mind that our babies were a boy and a girl, and I decided then that they would bear the names their father had chosen for them.

"Of course, Dr. Lang, I held on to it specifically to give it to you," he told me in a gentle tone. "Everything will be ready for you to go in about an hour. We'll have a map for you that designates overnight stops, about 8 hours apart, on the way with hotels where we have reserved rooms for you. Please stick to the hotels outlined since we know they have been secured. There will be a new cell phone in the vehicle for you registered to your new name and address. Did you have any questions?"

I was overwhelmed, heartsore, tired, and baffled that Nevada had been planning this as long as he had. "I...uh...do I have anything to worry about?"

"From us?" He asked and when I nodded he shook his head. "Not at all. Ramirez was instrumental in helping us take down several large drug trafficking outlets as well as a sex trafficking ring and led us to a cartel in the Dominican Republic that we've been chasing down for years and could never infiltrate. You really did a number on him you know."

"What do you mean?" I was still in a daze and having trouble following what was happening.

"Not once in my career have I ever seen a violent criminal like Nevada Ramirez turn themselves in and want to turn their life around because they fell in love. He wanted to make things right so that he could have a fresh start with you," he told me with genuine sincerity.

All I could do was smile and nod as Deputy Marshall Scott left the room to check on the new vehicle and phone. My heart was overflowing with love for Nevada and sadness that he was gone. He had been planning to get out almost from the start of our relationship, that alone told me all I needed to know about his real feelings for me. When he told me he would make sure things worked out it wasn't an empty promise. The one thing he hadn't taken into consideration was the possibility he'd be killed before we could get away. But he made sure that the babies and I would be safe even if he couldn't take care of us. I didn't know how I was going to live without him, but I had two little ones that were a part of him and I was going to make sure they knew their father was the best of men.

Deputy Marshall Scott walked back into the room startling me out of my thoughts and motioned for me to follow him. We rode the elevator down to a basement level where I followed him to a dark green Subaru Outback that had been loaded with everything I'd taken from the brownstone.

"Ramirez picked it out. He thought it would suit your new family," he told me with a smile.

I just nodded and without thinking I threw my arms around him in a hug, grateful that he had kept the promise he made to Nevada, "Thank you."

Nodding he stepped back as I got into the driver’s seat and started the Outback. The windows were tinted and I'd been directed to keep the windows up and put my sunglasses on until I was safely out of New York City. My route avoided any tolls or cameras so I couldn't be tracked out of the city, and Scott had promised that they would be watching me. I was also to check in at each stop.

Eight days later I pulled up to the lovely three-bedroom house with a huge yard outside of Seattle, Washington that I was to make my new home.

**Present day, Saturday, January 11, 2031  
** **The twins Mason and Madison's 18th birthday**

Madison was giving me her 'oh come on' look and Mason was just shaking his head.

"Mom, you really need to stop reading so many romance novels. It rots your brain," Mason said and walked away to join his friends at the pool in our backyard. He was a carbon copy of his father and it made my heart soar every time I looked at him.

I laughed and pushed the novel I was currently reading further under my legs in the hammock I was reclining in.

"I think I need to go throw up now," Madison said and got up from the end of the hammock to go back inside the house setting it to swaying back and forth.

I felt a firm hand on my shoulder stilling the motion of the hammock and I looked up into my husband's loving green eyes.

"Did they believe you?" He asked with a smile as he watched Madison walk back out the door carrying a tray of snacks over to her own friends.

Shaking my head I scooted over so he could join me in the hammock, "Not a word."

"I told you so Mami," he said quietly as he settled into the hammock next to me and wrapped his arms around me kissing the top of my head.

I laid my head into the crook of his neck and sighed, "You know I'm still mad at you for letting me think you were dead until I got here."

I felt his chest rumble with his chuckle, "I know Mami, but Nevada Ramirez keeps his promises. And I'll continue making it up to you until my actual dying breath."

Smiling I looked up at him and reached a hand up to cup his cheek as I kissed him, "You already have."

And suddenly we were being hosed off by our son, "Mom! Dad! Come on! It's our birthday."

"Mason Barnes, you had better hope you can run faster than me," Nevada roared with a laugh as he charged off the hammock to chase our son who kept spraying him with the hose.

Tears welled up in my eyes and I held my hands up to my face as I watched them playfully chase and spray each other.

Madison had walked up to me with realization dawning on her face, "That wasn't just a story was it?"

I smiled at her as a few tears escaped and ran down my cheeks as I held my arms out to her, "No baby."

She fell into the hammock in my arms and looked at her father, "Wow Mom."

I nodded as I watched the love of my life laughing with our son. His eyes met mine across the yard and my heart melted all over again as it always did when he looked at me, "Yes indeed. Wow."

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end of this one. I've gotten Nevada out of my system for now.
> 
> egibbs274 I'm sorry, but hopefully the ending redeemed my evilness. :O)


End file.
